My Facebook friend is a Turnip

Some people have no idea how to manage their Facebook friends. My wife is probably the worst culprit for this type of thing. A typical exchange goes somewhat like this;

Wife: I’ve received a friend request, what shall I do?

Me: Is it someone you know?

Wife: Well, I don’t recognise them.

Me: Ignore them then.

Wife: But what if its someone I know but can’t remember, then they’ll think I’m being rude. Like the time I rejected Mary’s friend request. She made a big fuss over that too. How was I meant to know is was her when she set up her facebook account under her real singaporian name and a lilly as her profile picture.

Me: OK just accept it then.

Wife: But what if it’s a psycho who keeps on messaging me.

Me: You can block them then.

Wife: But that’s a bit rude isn’t it.


You catch the drift.

So I shared with her the standard response I send out to friend requests on facebook, that should sort out this issue:

Thanks for the FB friend invite… after careful consideration of your application, I’m pleased to let you know you have been accepted. By becoming my friend you agree to my terms and conditions. Failure to abide by these can result in you being tagged in every picture of a turnip on Facebook. Then people will be like, “What’s the matter, you look like a turnip” and then you’ll have to explain to everyone that it isn’t really you and that you’ve just been tagged in it because you broke the t’s&c’s of my Facebook friendship. Of course this will be insanely awkward as they’ll either think you’re lying and you look like a turnip, or that you’re an untrustworthy person and if you can’t abide by my friendship t’s and c’s then how can you be trusted with anything. Resulting in them unfriending you. So you’ll be left with only one friend on Facebook – me – and even then I won’t be a real friend because all I want to do is tag turnips with your profile.


this could be you

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