I am often asked for a copy of this rider, but not asked for booking very often afterwards. Is it too much? I don’t think so either, so what would you add to it?
<OFFICIAL JAVVAD MALIK AKA J4VV4D RIDER, COPYRIGHT 2016>
CAMERAS, RECORDING DEVICES, VIDEO CAMERAS
Paying 3rd party (henceforth referred to as dumb client) agrees to make its best efforts to prevent any unauthorised recording or reproduction.
All approved stills photographers with properly displayed credentials are allowed THREE PHOTOGRAPHS and no flash whatsoever. Any photographer left in the barrier after three photos is no longer welcome in the building. No moving image cameras are allowed.
J4vv4D shall retain exclusive right to sell or cause to be sold souvenir booklets, programs, T-Shirts or any product or publication utilising the name and/or likeness of the Artists.
J4vv4D logo may not be used on event t-shirts or other items without prior written consent from artists management.
J4vv4D will receive 100% headline billing in all manner forms of advertising in connection with this engagement and shall be billed only as “J4vv4D”.
Credits will include a reference to J4vv4D.
J4vv4D will be provided a clean and well-lit and well-ventilated dressing room which can comfortably accommodate a large egos and a steady stream of adoring fans
J4vv4D will not be required to share the trailer with any other performer except Scarlett Johansson, Bruce Schneier, Jessica Alba, Vint Cerf, Jessica Beil, Brian Honan, Cameron Diaz, Gene Kim, Mila Kunis, Mikko Hypponenenenen or Angelina Jolie.
Lavatory facilities will be stocked with soap and toiletries and restricted to the common unwashed public.
Heating or air-conditioning will be provided as is customary in these modern times. We are, after all, no longer savages.
For all meals, please provide:
- Plates, bowls (no styrofoam)
- Spring water
- Hot coffee
- Pepsi in glass bottles.
Dearest reader – this rider is comprised of the things that make J4vv4D AWESOME! Please make every effort to provide the following and please, please do not surreptitiously hack through things to save a few pennies.
- One double-apple flavoured shisha
- Three pairs of white socks
- Two pairs of medium boxer shorts
- Fresh vegetable and cheese tray with humus, pita break and crackers.
- A juice machine
- A George Foreman grill.
- One bag of doritos
- A bowl of m&m’s with brown ones removed
- A bowl of brown m&m’s
- Ten energy bars – tiger milk or granola type bars. Ask a hipster for better suggestions.
Dumb client is urged to ensure that all personnel are alert and of a professional attitude. Any autographs or photo request BY PEOPLE SUPPOSEDLY ON THE CLOCK are frowned upon. Venue employees hanging out with no apparent job or making out with girlfriends or boyfriends is not cool in the presence of a professional like me and when people are paid to be working.