I want a watch that understands I am middle-aged and have already done quite a lot today. I went upstairs. I carried something from one room to another. I stood up during an advert.
Unlike Apple, which seems to think what I really want from a watch is for it to listen to my conversations all day and send me a report, I want mine to improve my life.
Features should include:
- A vibration telling me to sit down because I have earned it.
- A nap alert when I have been awake for more than six hours.
- A warning when I am about to enter a pointless meeting.
- A notification saying, “You have walked far enough. You are not being chased.”
- A button that orders a tea and biscuit.
- A setting that blocks anyone using the phrase “quick call”.
- A happiness score, rather than one that makes me feel guilty about my steps.
- An emergency message to my family if I voluntarily go to the gym.
I do not want a watch that makes me fitter, healthier or more productive.
I want one that looks at my heart rate, checks the calendar and says:
“This all seems unnecessary. Go and have a lie down.”